Keeping Angelina in a Tube, and Why I Need an Intervention

So I've had this lipgloss for a while now (I actually bought it the day after I quit my job as a kind of "Get out of Jail" present), but I'm just now getting around to reviewing it, mostly because I've been a busy bee, and also because I've been a very bad blogger (see previous two posts). But today I'm proctoring a test for a bunch of 16 year olds who somehow manage to look cute in sweatpants and t-shirts at 10:00 a.m. on a Saturday. Was I like that too at 16? I believe I was--I remember well my total delight at wearing Abercrombie shorts to the Pizza Hut to make a salad and getting the glances of all the high school drop outs who routinely spat on pizzas. It was a nice feeling, but alas, it hasn't lasted. Now if I get glances, I dedicate whole blog posts to it and spend my night acting coy and declaring myself too sexy to vacuum. ANYWAY, this is just a long way of saying that because I am no longer 16 and need a little help to achieve hotness, I routinely buy lip glosses, and write about them on here. So here is my long-awaited review.

This is Bare Escentuals Buxom Lips, which is a lip plumper and gloss combo. I got the shade "Dolly" because it is kinda tawny brown, which I like, and also because it made me think of Dolly Parton and Dollywood and roast turkey legs. It's a pretty good match with my hair/eyes (brown and brown), and looks pretty natural. There is a glossy shine, and it is not sticky at all, which is nice. It also smells like vanilla, but not overly so, like some kind of Bonne Bell Lip Smacker of something. So as a gloss, it is pretty awesome. But, remember, it is a two in one product! It plumps too. To be honest, I've always been really curious about lip plumpers, especially the ones that reportedly cause pain as they plump the lips. Not curious enough to actually buy one though, that is, until I quit my job and decided to be throw caution to the wind. So I fully expected to feel something when I put this stuff on. And the truth is, you do feel something--it's like a mint cooling sensation. I have to say--I was a bit disappointed. Perhaps I'm revealing some sort of masochistic side, but I wanted to feel some PAIN. I wanted to feel my lips swell, and I definitely didn't get that with this. I think I do notice a little plumping action, but I'm definitely not morphed into Angelina Jolie (much to my chagrin). The thing is though, because of the mint and the gloss and the cooling, I'm really aware of my lips when I have this stuff on. So I think I stick them out more. Perhaps that's part of it the plumping magic. Or perhaps it's just me, doing my best Jessica Simpson post collagen impression.

So, all in all, this is a great gloss and decent plumper. The packaging is adorable, so you could buy it pretty much just based on that. Plus, it's a big ole tube, so even though the price is a little steeper than drugstore brand gloss, you get a lot of it.

Just to be completely honest, the other reason I'm writing this is because I'm trying to keep myself from buying anything on the Internet right now. There is something about starting to see "Back to School" signs (DAMN YOU TARGET!) that makes me want to buy clothes, and buy them in abundance. I get paid this Friday, and I've been tutoring a LOT, so I'm thinking I'm going to have a bit of cash. So instead of paying off the parking ticket(s) and several other things that I'm sure I should do, here is what I'm interested in procuring....

• a pair of fancy pants jeans, and by fancy pants jeans, I mean jeans that cost more than they ever should and make me feel like a total douche for owning them. I desire to feel horrible about myself. But I also desire to have my ass look nice, hence the desire for these pants.
• a pair of red croco pumps
• some silver bangle bracelets
• some of the Hanky Panky thongs that I've been hearing so much about
• a pair of cute walking shorts that I could get away with wearing to work
• a swingy black jacket that I could carry into fall (something mod-ish, with big ole buttons would be nice)
• a cute, flirty dress, perhaps a wrap, that would be super comfortable, but still look nice for meeting with parents
• a pink v-neck sweater, probably merino from J.Crew because I love them so
• a green tank top
• some black stacked flip flops like my brown ones
• some fancy new eye shadow
• some kind of blusher/bronzer combo that would make me look like I've had a restful summer, so when I visit the home of a kid who just spent his last 2 weeks in Nice, I can look like I have as well.

If I procure these items, Matt will most surely kick me out of the house, and so I will be homeless. But my grocery cart would be full of super cute stuff! Sometimes I think I have a shopping addiction. This is because I've researched it. Along with America's Got Talent, I also religiously watch Intervention (you're really thinking less of me now, aren't you?) and I can really identify with the addicts on there, except instead of being addicted to mouthwash and Oxy, I'm addicted to the rush I get when I see a great pair of shoes. To that end, sometimes I imagine myself being followed around by video cameras, and suddenly finding myself in a room with all my family and a strange dude saying "Morgan, these people are here because they love you like crazy, and they want to see you get help. By the way, those are some hot croco pumps. Did you get them at the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale?"

Sigh.