Sick Days

After a very unrelaxing, crappy weekend (I worked both days), I seem to have fallen prey to some kind of weird stomach/whole body ailment. I am just completely exhausted, and I have a nasty stomach issue that is nagging at me. Therefore, I haven't really been up to posting the last couple of days. Mostly because it's hard to feel fabulous when one is wearing an old gown from JC Penney, huge granny panties, and a Cars throw wrapped around the shoulders. ANYWAY, I am going to venture out and see students today, which may help me feel better (very doubtful actually), and I'll see if I can post later.

But for the time being, here are the things I learned after coming home from work at 1:30 yesterday and spending the rest of the day in bed, watching TV:
1. I have even worse TV tastes than I previously thought.
2. The Red Sox really kind of suck.
3. There is a legless torso that seems to hover on the balcony of the Jerry Springer show, watching the stories of false teeth and drunken debauchery play out. Something tells me I hallucinated it. No offense to the handicapped out there, but that freaked the hell out of me.
4. Law and Order: SVU just doesn't get old.

Knockin' Boots

You think this post is going to be about sex don't you? He he. It's not, but it's about something almost as good....new boots! I got a coupon in the mail yesterday for PiperLime, so I figured now is as good a time as any to order these beauties.I have wanted a pair of riding boots for as long as I can remember. I wanted a pair in high school so much that my mom finally ordered me a pair for Christmas, only to find out that my legs were too big to fit into them. Blessed with the Scott family big legs I am! Even when I was a size 8, I couldn't fit my legs into a pair of boots. Interestingly, my mom, who is a size 4 on a fat day cannot fit her calves in boots either. We're cursed. I'm convinced generations of Scott women were rampant shin kickers thus garnering all kinds of bad leg karma and forcing my mom and me to accept a sad fate of chubby calves. At any rate, I ended up settling for a cute pair of city boots that I wore for the majority of my college career, but I never quite got away from my desire for a pair.

But it is the memory of trying to slide my chubby calves into my dream boots that one Christmas that keeps me from ordering these right now. See, I've been wanting to get these boots on Piperlime for 2 or 3 weeks now. And I haven't bought them. Even though the website promises me that they are extended calf and that I can get free shipping and returns on them, I'm gun shy. So I'm opening this up to you, my little cream puffs. How many of you ladies also are blessed with the hefty legs and have found awesome boots? Where did you get them? How hot are your legs in them? Does anyone have experience with Naturalizers specifically?

If I do end up ordering these, I'll post pictures of my hot legs in them, for better or worse. You either get to see me busting the zippers (WHOOPS!) or flaunting my cuteness. Either/or.

And if worse comes to worst, I can just write a post about REALLY knockin' boots. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge (and judging from the comments from the last post, you ladies know a few things about getting the men to the sack).

Bringing the Boys to the Yard

Ok, so I know how you guys feel about leggings...the answer to last week's great legging debate was a resounding "YUGH!! They suck!" with a side of vitriolic hatred. Now what I want to know is this...what do you wear when you want your significant other or the men or women on the street to take notice? It's an important question. We as women, no matter how successful we are, define ourselves in some ways by our ability to attract sexual partners. No matter how many women's studies courses you take, no matter how many copies of Our Bodies, Ourselves you have on your bookshelf, you know (or think you know) what you have to put on to get a rise out of your chosen party.

But here's the thing: it isn't always what you expect. This point was made clear to me this weekend. After the tutoring induced trauma that was the prep for the October 6 test, I decided to take Sunday and Monday totally off. As in, I didn't do anything of any substance. At all. On Monday, I did manage to run some errands, taking some books and DVD's to Telegraph Ave. to trade in for cold hard cash and then stopping for groceries. Knowing that I was going to be running these errands, I got up, and before taking Gabby to school, I put on a new green crewneck sweater from Target (cheap sweater, but a really cute color--I almost feel like going back to get the v-neck), old Old Navy jeans, and pushed my hair back in a floral silk hairband from J.Crew. I did my make-up part way (just some powder, mascara, and Neutrogena lipbalm). I checked myself in the mirror, and I thought I looked casual, but really nothing to write home about. However, while Matt and I were taking our recycling to the recycling center (I'm telling you--it was an exciting Monday!), I kept noticing him look at me. He would then just smile and look away. Finally, after putting up with this for a while, I asked him what was up. "You just look so good," he said. WTF? It's not that I didn't enjoy the compliment, but seriously. For someone who feels like I'm wearing house shoes if I'm not wearing heels, this came as such a shock. Granted, this is my husband:

Not the most driven guy on the planet, especially fashion wise. But still. It amazed me. I get up every morning and plan outfits around heels and pencil skirts but he finds me more attractive in my beat up jeans, Merrell mary janes, and $17.49 sweater.

So what gives? Is this specific to my beer swilling, classic rock dancing, Cal football adoring, Russian major dude, or does your man prefer a dressed down look? Or do you have to vamp it up Rock of Love style to get attention?

Reader Question and a Reference to La Bouche All in One Lovely Package

This morning I received this inquiry in my email:
I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I am visiting a friend in NYC in November. I am having a really hard time finding a top to wear for when we go out dancing. Like I said, I'm young and have a baby so I think the last time I went dancing I still had braces and La Bouche was playing in the school gym. I do 99.9% of my shopping online since I live in the Northwoods of Wisconsin. I am looking for something cute and fun but something I can wear again. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Does anyone want to guess just how happy this email made me? This morning, I am proctoring a test for a bunch of 16 year olds, and let me tell you, I am about done with today's 16 year olds with their iPhones and their carefully choreographed hipster tunics and leggings. But getting this email reminded me of my own teenage experience, and made me so happy. Believe me, I needed it today.

That said, I'm not much a source for this question. When most folks were grooving to Montel Jordan on the gym floor, I was hanging in the bleachers, talking shit about everyone's clothes and debating on whether to let that special someone touch my boob. Some things never change I guess. On the same token, I don't think I've ever been out dancing in a non-school function related way. It's just not really my scene. Now, eating mass quantities of bar food while throwing back some overpriced martini's--totally my scene. Actually having to move after doing it--decidedly not.

So I could be totally off on this, but I'm giving advice anyway, which is probably tantamount to something bad, but whatever. Dance styles could totally involve spandex and day glo socks--I don't know. I do know, however, that when I go out for whatever reason, I want to be comfortable and show some cleavage. So that's what I tried to do with my choices for our friend, who is probably grooving to Be My Lover as we speak.

My first choice is this lovely teal kimono top from BCBGirls. It fulfills my requirements, plus it is a lovely, lovely color that would be sure to get you noticed from across the room. The best thing about this cut? It's terribly forgiving--in fact, my own going out top is a kimono top, and gets me a lot of compliments wherever I wear it. The other thing I love is that you can wear a regular bra under this, and be totally fine (I would probably invest in some fashion tape to make sure the neckline doesn't shimmy along with you). Finally, this is totally wearable again--slap a cami under it and some black trousers, and you can wear it to an office party, or dress up your denim and cami for a night out with your family. The cons on this one? Well, the price for one. It is $98, which is justifiable if you are dedicated to including it in more than one facet in your wardrobe, but is a bit steeper than the other things I found. Also, if you pick this one, make sure to pick up some extra anti-perspirant. Sweat+satin=dancer without a partner.

My next choice is this plunge v-neck (left). Ok, I'm obsessed with this cut. Sorry. This one has the same pluses (nice cut, regular bra), but it is a tad cheaper, and is made of cotton which will breathe with you as you shake it (hence getting rid of the need for industrial size anti-perspirant purchases). This one also goes well with jeans and can work with you in your everyday life. That said, it's a bit more casual so if you're heading to Hyde, I'd go with the satin.

Ok, so enough with these shirts, huh? Sorry...I just thought this one is extra cute (right), and is a good price. It's $42 at Urban Outfitters. And nothing says young hip New York dancer like Urban Outfitters, right? I think it would look excellent with some sparkly gold shoes, creased denim and a long gold chain. And again, you can wear this out with your son and look totally fine.

And on that same note, if you don't have to worry about wearing a regular bra, this cami is a beautiful color and would look great on the dance floor. It is substantial enough so that you don't look like you are wearing your underwear, but bare enough to attract the attention of the folks who buy the drinks. After the dancing, you could wear a blazer over this (I'm thinking a nice black velvet blazer...) and jeans and take it to the movies, or pair it with a cardigan and skirt for a look that's sweet but not too much.

I really hope that helps. I now have the urge to get my groove on. Which is problematic, given that I need to grade PSAT's. Hmmmm.... If you have any advice for our friend, leave em in the comments!

Getting My Life Back

Tomorrow is the October 6 SAT, i.e., the biggest test date of the year for stressed out seniors. Would you like to guess how that makes me feel?

Yes, folks, that's what you get when you Google image search the words "crazy happy." I feel like a midget (I'm pretty sure that's a little person) jumping in a hayfield encompasses my emotions pretty darn well. No more 14 hour days, no more talking a kid down from the ledge with witticisms about how this is not the biggest thing in their life, which may or may not be true. I mean, come on, that's really easy for me to say, given that I did pretty well on the SAT without prep or bothering to take a calculator (seriously, nobody told me. I ended up borrowing one from the guy sitting next to me who had three, and now that I think about it, was probably just doing that to pick up dumb broads). But not one of my students has called bullshit on me this year, which is a victory. A resounding one.

Things Morgan Will Do with the Scads of Extra Time She Has After this Test Date:

1. Watch hella TV.

2. Make this blog even more fantabulous.

3. Make some food that doesn't include a pre-made sauce from Trader Joe's.

4. Be even more fantabulous!

It's interesting though. This test has taught me quite a few things about myself. Numero Uno is that I'm quite a bit more Type A than I thought I was. Numero two is that it is possible to look cute even under scads of pressure and time restraints. The key is to have a comfortable, mix and match wardrobe that you can throw on the back of a chair and put on again without worries. The final thing I've learned is to keep a tube of mascara and some eye makeup remover pads in your purse at all times. Eye makeup that looked lovely at 7:30 in the morning can look like ass at 9:00 at night. Swipe it off, layer it full of mascara (I've been using Benefit Bad Gal), and you look fresh in about one minute flat!

Finally, the last thing I've learned is not from my life as a stressed out tutor, but rather from Rock of Love, which I somehow managed to watch, despite my hectic schedule. The fact that I learned will guide my life and all future decisions I make. The girl with the big hair and the stripper dress does not always get the man. Isn't that something that we should all remember?

Two Things I'm Unhealthily Obsessed With

One thing you should know about me is that I get OBSESSED with something for a few short days (or weeks), and then quickly forget about it and go on with my life in a way that never pays homage to whatever I was obsessed with. For example, I was once really obsessed with becoming a high school English teacher in the inner city. I think this came from seeing the Gangsta's Paradise video one night on VH1 while I was try to read The Areopagitica. It all seemed to make sense in some Miltonian way. Whatever. This caused me to quickly apply for the education program, have an interview, get in, and then a week later decide that it wasn't such a good idea and beg to be let out again, a request I was only granted when I had cried in two different faculty members' offices. Another time, as a kid, I got obsessed with days of the week underwear and hair bands. I spent two weeks painfully matching every outfit to my panties and hair accessories (or, rather, getting my mom to painfully match every outfit to my panties and hair accessories), and then, just when I had procured enough magenta and turquoise clothing to get me through a couple of weeks, forgot about it.

Well, I'm sure these two obsessions will totally NOT be that way, because my love for them is true and fine. It is the kind of love that Romeo had for Juliet, that Joanie had for Chachi, that Bret Michaels has for bandanas (seriously, what is under that thing? My money is on a third nipple or a rogue extra penis, but I really can't be sure). I love them with every fiber of my being.

The first thing is this Gap dress. I bought a vamp red (that's Gap's name for it--it's really more like a burgundy) version in my local Gap when I went to buy my son some shoes. It was super on sale--down to $29.99. Of course, I couldn't pass it up. And of course, my husband was not feeling my new Gap induced hotness, so I resorted to the old standby-- Woops! How'd that get in the back of the car, honey? I surely wouldn't be buying new clothes! Anyway, I wore it the next day to The Jungle, which is this Norcal version of Chuckie Cheese where I took Sam for his birthday. I was super comfortable, and looked hella better than all of the other mom's there trolling around in nasty khakis and polo shirts. After I came home, I took off the dress, threw it on the back of my desk chair, and forgot about it. Then, this morning, I had a 7:30 lesson, followed soon by four more lessons, so I reached for the dress again. Even after being left on the back of my chair for a few days, it was unwrinkled and looked fabu. I put it on with a cami underneath, a long necklace, and peep toe pumps. It was totally cute, and I got all kinds of compliments. So now I'm ordering the grey one. Grey is not usually a color I turn to, but I'm thinking with some cabeled tights and boots... I'm pretty stoked about it. Even if it turns out to be not as awesome as my red one, it will still be a comfortable and classy choice for busy days.

The second thing I'm obsessed with is MAC Viva Glam IV Lipglass. Now, I've been meaning to buy this stuff for a while because the ads are cool (I love me some good marketing!) and the cause is better (every cent goes to AIDS research). But I had no idea it would look this awesome on me. Viva Glam IV is a warm plum shade with a pearl finish that is perfect for fall. Granted, I'm not Dita Von Teese...but seriously, folks. I love this stuff. I usually oscillate between the 47 or so random lip glosses that live in the bottom of my purse, but these last few days, I've been dipping into my Viva Glam exclusively.

So what are you currently obsessed with? Anything monopolizing all of your time/thoughts/love?

The Great Legging Debate

Ok, it is 7:08 here, and I'm up blogging. I'm always up at this time, but usually I'm doing my strippercise and eating mass quantities of yogurt. Not typing missives on my super loud keyboard that will probably wake up every child within a 100 yards. So why am I up patiently tapping away? Because I want to know what you, my loyal readers, think about leggings. And footless tights. Because they're basically the same--the second is just a marketing ploy for people who have bad coke flashbacks about the 80's (note: can one have a coke flashback? Probably need to get Lohan on this one.) ANYWAY, I am going to admit here that I absolutely, wholeheartedly love them. In fact, I think I'm going to wear them today with a red shirtdress and gold flats. I think they are fresh, cute, and stylish. And I would sell away a child to have this outfit (and have it look good on me):

I adore that. Absolutely love it. You can't tell from this picture, but the necklace is actually this bomb diggity fleur de lis, and if you know me in real life, you know that I'm a big fan of Marie Antoinette (not the movie--the historical figure) and all things vaguely French revolution. So this outfit is perfect for me on many stands. That said, it would probably make me look like a potato. A potato that's been left in the bin too long and has those really long stalks coming out of it. And when I buy an outfit, I tend to think, "If this makes me look like produce, I'm not all about it." So this is most likely out. But I still love it, and part of that is because of the leggings.

However, on the flip side of this argument are these lovely outfits my mother used to buy me at the Parks Belk in Norton that were basically comprised of hugely floral printed cotton leggings with an enormous, heavy cotton cabeled turtleneck sweater with matching rose print. I had two of them, and they were the first things that I got out of the junior's department. I thought they were the most damn fashionable things in the world. I wore them to a dance competition in Nashville, and walked around with a look of smug superiority that clearly said, "All you bitches better STEP." Interestingly enough, they were pretty much the same premise as this outfit that I love now. It leaves me in a bit of an fashionable existential quandry: Leggings--should they be or not be? Isn't that the question?

So what do you think? Do you heart the footless tights? Or do you despise them? Feel free to rant/rave or just show your blatant love for me either in an email or in the comments.