It Puts the Lotion on Its Skin Or Else It Gets the Hose Again

There are two times in my life when I unabashedly look HORRIBLE. These are 1) when I'm pregnant (and that's another post for another time), and 2) when my seasonal allergies strike, rendering me into a sack of mucus, tears, and complaints. Let's just say that this is allergy time, and I look appropriately gross.

When I was in college, my allergies were even worse, because I believe the College of William and Mary is set soundly in the Pollen Capitol of the World. There was pollen everywhere: you would come out to your car, and find it swallowed in a fine yellow powder. It was like trying to study T. S. Eliot in the middle of World War I (which sounds rather romantic, if you're a Hemingway lover, but it was totally not--romance is not bred when one looks like red-nosed death). Anyway, I spent my college career trying merely to stay alive, not to look beautiful. However, I remember during my freshman year coming into the bathroom of Barrett (my freshman hall), feeling as if I would surely slough off this mortal coil within hours, hoping merely to shower the snot off of myself, and seeing a girl from my hall standing there, calmly putting lotion on her face. Probably noticing that I was wretched, she said something to the effect of "My allergies are KILLER this year. This lotion sure does help!" I stood there thinking that only a revolver would help me at this point, and then calmly went into the shower, sneezed 18 times and resolved to hate her for the rest of my natural life.

But the thing is, you don't have to hate people who still manage to look human despite debilitating allergies. You too can prevail. Especially if you don't live in Williamsburg, VA. Then you haven't a prayer, I hate to tell you. But anyway, one way of dealing with the Snotty Death is to, yes, layer on the moisture cream. Allergies bring with them a red nose, and the only way to combat this is with something rich and smooth. I like Benefit's Dear John. It is thick, and does contain oil, so a just a dab will do you. I usually do a dot on my forehead, a dot on my chin, and during allergy season, a dot on the flaming nose.

A big problem during allergy season as well is watery eyes (this is also a problem if you, like me, get teary eyed when Tyra Banks discusses her weight on ANTM). I would never recommend wearing waterproof mascara, because I have heard that it breaks your lashes over time. And I have short ass lashes, so lord knows I don't need them breaking on me. If you are having an especially bad allergy day, don't wear any at all. This seems like sacrilege, especially given the relationship I have with my DiorShow, but it's better that than risk looking like Tammy Faye at an all day, dinner on the grounds Camp Meeting (all due respect to Tammy Faye). You can wear eye shadow, however. Bourjois makes a great cream waterproof shadow--Bourjois Intensely Luminous Waterproof Cream Eyeshadow. You can find it at Sephora. It has a lot of pigment, and thus is a good deal for the $13.50. I am getting ready to order the "trendy khaki" in just a few minutes.

So all in all, you can look human during allergy season. So I can quit hating my hallmate. She really had some good advice all those years ago--moisturizing is the key to looking human. And, of course, keeping your woman suit in pliable condition.