A Product Review a Day Keeps the Ugliness Away

If you only knew how bad I have been lately, you would probably ask me to seek professional help. I have bought a PILE of make-up lately. A PILE. I'm not really sure why--I'm going to blame it on the marketing folks who shove "Back to School Shopping" down our throats--but for some reason, I have just wanted new make-up lately. So I've gotten it. A lot of it. That means that in order to justify my purchases (journalistic integrity! a desire to inform the uninformed!), I'm going to be on here a lot talking about the things I've bought. So expect it, my little mini quiches! Nothing but the best for my 3.5 readers!

Today I'm talking about "That Gal" Brightening Face Primer, which was actually the first thing I bought a couple of weeks ago. I bought That Gal after my mom came out to visit, and showed me how awesome it is. She had bought some, and found that it made her "mature" skin (her word, not mine--when I think mature skin, I think of skin that is now allowed to watch NC-17 movies) look better both while wearing make-up and not wearing it. When I first tried hers, I wasn't sure that I thought it was that great, but she kept commenting me on my skin, so I assumed it must look nice. But I think they put meth in this stuff or something, because it is rather addictive (and it made my teeth fall out!--just kidding). After trying it that one day, I took my time layering it on the next, and notice that even without a veil of Bare Minerals, my skin looked nice. Kind of bright, and well, young. I decided to go without make-up that day, and while I ordinarily go next to nowhere without make-up, I looked nice that day. So I ordered my own tube.

Now, ordering from Benefit is absolutely awesome. First off, their packaging is so cute and cheeky that I love leaving the products out on my vanity for all to admire (and by "all", I mean "Matt"). Their website is just that cute. Plus, when you sign up for their email alerts, you get all of these cute emails that start of with a greeting of "Hello Gorgeous!" or something equally as cute. Now, I know I'm gullible and totally taken with this stuff, but you try to tell me that getting an email with "Hello Gorgeous!" written on the top on a Monday morning when you're dealing with wealthy, overindulged parents and their catatonic offspring is not a little awesome/uplifting. Finally, when Benefit gives promotions, they give PROMOTIONS. This month in Lucky (yes, I read Lucky. Shut up.), there was a coupon for them and if you ordered anything, you got a free Bluff Dust (review pending). Full size. Free. I got a bottle of High Beam this way, so I was on this crap. I ordered my That Gal, and prepared for gorgeousness.

And, I can't complain. It does give your skin a nice, youthful glow, and despite the fact that the stuff is pink (like Calamine lotion) it does not make your face look red or gross or anything. I have been wearing it sans make-up, as it has been hot here, and I can't imagine putting on another layer of anything, even Bare Minerals, but when I have worn it with make-up, I've noticed that it does keep your make-up around longer.

My only complaint is the way it is packaged. It's in this twist-up tube, like some sort of cosmetic push up. You roll the bottom wheel, and a little bit of lotion pops up at the top. You wipe it off the top, and then slather it on. That's all fine, but being the dumb ass that I am, I totally roll it the wrong way everytime. And then it goes down even farther in the tube, which means I have to roll it the right way for a hella long time to get the product back up. That's kind of blow-y.

But all in all, this stuff rocks. I actually like it better than Smashbox Primer, which admittedly, I've only used 4-5 times (when I've gotten it as a free sample from Sephora). This stuff is good, even without make-up, and I never noticed that with the Smashbox (which again, may relate to my not using it that much). I'm also very partial to Benefit cosmetics, so that probably plays into it too.

Ok, this is the first of many, so prepare yourself. It's a Cosmetics-apalooza at the Cult!

Va Va Voom Lips, and Why I'm Hopelessly Unsexy

So anyone who knows me personally knows at least two things about me. 1) I'm gullible enough to be taken into just about any marketing ploy and 2) I'm a slut at heart. Not that I'm promiscuous or anything--I'm married to my high school sweetheart, and prefer to keep it that way, but I definitely have a predilection towards the sluttier looks and actions in life. I think it is because my hero is one Blanche Devereaux. Whatever. But anyway, with me, it's always the more cleavage the better, and I love to pine away looking at black pencil skirts and back seam fishnet hose.

Part of this look is, of course, red lips. I, however, have never owned a tube of red lipstick, and have always felt hopelessly scared by the stuff. Even though I have read countless fashion magazine articles about how to pull it off, I've always imagined myself buying it, putting it on, and then wham bam thank you ma'am--I'm transformed into Baby Jane. Although playing the part of Baby Jane won me some high school accolades in a drama competition (I went all out, bitches--you should have seen my hair), this is not a look I would like to revisit.

So imagine my excitement at finding Cover Girl's Tru Shine lipcolor collection, a collection that promises to match my skin tone and flatter my lips with any shade. It promises! It even says something about flattering 97% of skin tones. Now, if they had said 100%, I would have called bullshit, and perhaps I wouldn't have bought the product. But 97% sounds scientific, like this was all done in a lab, and out of their 100 models, three looked like ass, so they called it a day and slapped this 97% guarantee on it. It seems honest. Of course, I snap up Valentine Shine, which is a red lipstick. Hey, it promised! Va va va voom lips for the Morgan McSluttygirl!

So I buy the product, and on a day when I'm wearing all black, and thus need a pop, I pull it out. First off, putting lipstick on is a lot harder than I thought it was. To be quite honest, I never buy it--I always buy gloss, but I didn't think there was any huge change. Here's the deal though--you can't put lipstick on while hurdling toward the Richmond bridge at 70 mph. It requires precise detail--it requires for you to be stopped, and in front of a mirror, and possibly, with some sort of degree in lipstick application technology. So, while in line at the toll plaza, I pull out the tube and put it on, as carefully as possible. I mean, I'm not an expert, and I could tell I messed up a little at the top because my lips no longer had that little dip at the top center (what is that called?), but overall, it looked pretty good. And my lips were red!!! Really, really, red. I thought it looked fantastic. I handed my $4 over to the toll dude, smiled at him perhaps a little more than usual, and drove into Marin Co. knowing that I was sluttastically gorgeous.

And everything was going fine--I had a little spring in my step all that morning. I had an early morning student, and after meeting with her, went to the bathroom, and that's when I realized that my lips were no longer red. They were more like magenta. I kind of looked like one of those old women at the nursing home who is left to her own devices perhaps a bit more than she should be, and keeps layering on that one tube of Estee Lauder lipstick she bought in in 1984. Yes, that was me. The magenta was not cool. And not slutty.

So here are my theories: 1) Cover Girl knows that I am a pretender to the Devereaux throne, and feels that I can't handle red, so they downgraded me to magenta for my own good, 2) I'm one of the 3% of people who look like ass in this stuff or 3) I just really don't understand this lipstick thing. Perhaps if I had spent more time in applying it? I'm not sure. I mean, the product is actually nice--it's creamy, and has a nice shine to it, and the little silver tube is cute enough. But the color is just not for me. I think I'll try it a couple more times, and if it still doesn't work, well, there goes my hopes and dreams for sluttiness.

Oh well. I guess there is a place out there for bookish looking SAT tutors who aspire to red lips and back seam hose. I'm still holding on to the dream though!

Five Minute Faces

Alright, retail people, here's a quick resource guide on how to get my money. 1) Feature a TV show that I like and respect, 2) Give me a handy buying list of things that I absolutely must have to be fashionable/cute/well-groomed/successful, 3) Give me something for free. If you fulfill all these requirements, I will seriously be putty in your hands. I will buy anything--jail striped pajamas that somehow reference Prison Break, Tyra Banks brand sausage casings from ANTM, ANYTHING. Luckily for me, the company that did this most recently and got my money was Benefit cosmetics, a company that I already love and use regularly. And even more lucky for me, I ordered stuff, it came in, and I look super cute today.

Last week, I got an email from Benefit promoting a "Five Minute Face" done by Carmindy, the make-up artist from my Friday night mainstay, What Not to Wear. I guess Carmindy wrote a book, so as promotion, she is using Benefit cosmetics and issuing a guide to show you how to create your own look. I know about Carmindy's five minute face from watching the show, and I have to say that I've always wanted to figure out how to do it just the way she does. That's not to say that my current make-up routine lasts longer than five minutes. It doesn't. But Carmindy's look always looks so effortless, like you could wear it to work and feel good about yourself, and then vamp it up with just a few quick tricks, just like in a Gap ad or something. And lord knows I live my life in constant pursuit of Gap ad perfection. Anyway, so when I got the email saying that I was going to learn how to do it, I said, YIPPEEE! and completely ignored the growing pile of work on my desk in favor of some retail therapy. (Unfortunately, the thing is no longer up on Benefit's website, so you'll just have to take my word for all of this). Then, I dug a little deeper and discovered that if I bought two products from the line, I would get a FREE BOTTLE OF HIGH BEAM, Benefit's highlighting potion. I actually have been known to rock the Highbeam on occasion, and my tiny bottle from my Fake-It kit was looking depressed. So, I was completely and utterly sunk. I logged on and bought Carmindy's chosen eyeshadow (Towne Car) and lipstick (Sugar Rush) so fast that it made my head spin. And just that quickly, it arrived, fresh from UPS.

So I wore it this morning. I tried to go through Carmindy's routine: first I applied foundation (here I use MAC Mineral Something or Other), then powder (I use Chanel in Porcelain), and then dabbed the High Beam (the FREE High Beam) on my cheekbones. Cuteness already.

Then, I did my eyes. I used the new Towne Car shadow as a liner, just as Carmindy does. In fact, in the Benefit "Five Minute Face" this all you do on your eyes, save mascara. No shadows, no blending, no nothing. The interesting thing about Towne Car (and all the rest of the creaseless cream shadows that Benefit has now) is that they are...creamy. I wasn't really expecting that. Probably because I ordered it so damn fast that I didn't bother to read anything about it. My bad. But I really, really like it. The black is inky and deep, and has a LOT of pigment. I just barely dabbed my brush on it, and it was ready to go. That said, the Carmindy method (using this as a liner) was a little hard for me to grasp. Possibly because the stuff has so much pigment, it would be better to start with something lighter in color than Towne Car. I did get it figured out, and managed to somewhat smush it into the lash line, like Carmindy recommends on the show. I think it looks good, but I'm probably not going to look into any magnifying mirrors today. I'm little distressed as to what I might see if I look close enough. I'm sure I'll get better with it though, and I can't wait to try it as an eyeshadow base. I'm looking to make myself all sooty eyed and Bridget Bardot-esque. But back to today: since I was doing the Benefit thing, I put on double coats of Bad Gal lash. Bad Gal is a good mascara--I only have half a tube because my mom gave it to me after it didn't work on her (she has loads of eye irritations and after a while, she started tearing up after putting it on). It plumped up my lashes, and made me look just enough like a drag queen to make it worthwhile.

I topped this off with my Dallas blush (which I love, and deserves its own post, so I'll do that later), and the lipstick in Sugar Rush. Sugar Rush is a "Silky Finish lipstick" and I love it. It's not very heavy like a lot of lipsticks (I actually rarely wear a lipstick, preferring a light gloss or something similar),and does have a silky finish. When I first put it on, I thought that it looked a little darker than what I imagined it would be, but I think that was just the light or something. It's actually a pretty, light caramel color. I wouldn't say the color is dynamic or anything--it's a pretty standard medium neutral. But it does feel nice, and the color complements the Dallas blush well. So overall, it's a very good fit with the whole look.

Overall, ordering from Benefit was a very nice experience. I have never actually ordered from them directly--most of the time when I got their products before, I visited their store in Berkeley or went through Sephora. I got a heavy discount beforehand, so that was nice, and the order was shipped very quickly and arrived in four business days. Moreover, when I opened the box, it was wrapped in cute, Benefit themed tissue paper and sealed with a sticker. Of course, the packaging for all Benefit items is adorable. I will definitely use their website the next time I need something from them.

So try out the "Five Minute Face" with Benefit. It's Carmindy-licious.